Friday, January 30, 2009

Breaking Up is Hard to Do Part III

Warning: I am telling all regarding my relationship with food.

So, my first attempt of losing weight was successful. I lost all the weight I gained in college.
However, two years ago I wanted to take even lower and I started my first "diet".

It started with "No sugar" (deprivation). This lead to "The Zone" (yet more deprivation). I held steady for 4 months and then I remember the day like it was yesterday. A friend and I went to Stone Mountain for the Laser Show and I crumbled.....with fried chicken, french fries (which I had not had in 5 years), and the largest bucket of popcorn that I have ever seen. I would get back on track for a couple of weeks and then I would crumble again. Food started to invade all of my thoughts. I would obsess about food until I ended up overeating that food. I would eat even if I was not hungry, in fact I remember feeling stuffed many times and still eating. I would eat 3 pieces of cake at the same party. I have been on the Zone and off the Zone. A box of Girl Scout Cookies were gone in 30 minutes. Bags of Dove chocolate, bags of chips..... Bammm all gone quickly because I would buy them and obsess about having them to the point that I would eat them all within the same day one handful at a time every time I walked through the kitchen. Heck, I even made special trips into the kitchen when I had no reason to be there.

Over a year ago I moved to WA and things only got worse. It is very stressful to move across the country and when you have a messed up relationship with food it only compounds the effect food plays in your life. I have found myself eating not because I am hungry but because I have a headache or just because I WANT TO have that donut damn it, in fact I can have two if I want. Luckily through all these thoughts I still exercise and it has helped the impact not be so extreme. But the point is I lost connection with my internal self. We have been given the gift of satiety and I have been ignoring it for the past 3 years. Our wonderful bodies want to be healthy and have the ability to tell us when to stop, go, or enjoy. It is time to let the mind and body start working together rather than having the mind and external world tell us what to do. It has taken almost 2 months but I feel like I am on the right track.

If you think I am going to tell you what to eat you are wrong. If you think I am going to tell you what is good or bad to eat you are wrong. If you think I am going to tell you the secrets of weight loss you are wrong.

What I am going to share with you is how I broke up with dieting for good. It is over.

A new journey (relationship) has begun and I am going to share with you some of the things I have discovered. However, that will have to start tomorrow because it is late and the first part of being nice to my body is getting enough sleep because amazing things happen to our bodies when we sleep.

1 comment:

Alice said...

I can't wait for the next part. I think you are writting this for me.